Are you stressed out? Are there never enough hours in the day to get your work done? Do you get pulled in multiple directions during the day and may even report to multiple people on numerous projects?
You feel guilty when you're not working. You wish you didn't spend so much time answering emails and could get more real work done. You HATE that the promise of working-from-home hasn't materialized as you'd expected. You're working more hours, yet you feel less appreciated and more disconnected than ever. Work requests pile up during the day, after hours, and even on weekends.
You're not sure you even care anymore, as you daydream about a new job. And maybe you even take that new job, yet after the "honeymoon" wears off, the same patterns and frustrations, just with different bad actors, repeat themselves.
In my coaching practice, I see these same patterns over and over again. Sometimes a job change IS needed, and if you are trying to make that decision, please check out these two blogs on how to decide:
Start here —-> Should I Quit My Job? 6 Questions to Help you Decide?
If you haven't decided, then go here -> 3 Unobvious Warning Signs You Should Quit Your Job
More often, when we dig deeper, we often uncover work habits that aren't serving you as both a technical professional and a human with a life outside of work. There are specific work behavioral differences between those who are struggling compared to those with some level of success.
Those who are both happiest at work AND rise into leadership levels have minimized or eliminated three bad work habits in particular.
Conquer these, and you'll be less stressed and more fulfilled at work. You'll also be on the fast track to leadership.
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Bad Habit #1: Defaulting to email, chat, and text in your communications
Email, chat, and text IS convenient, but it's also easy to misinterpret.
For example, I once received a text from my boss – who was out of the office - saying, "can you help me with this dying?". I had a coworker read the text to make sure I wasn't seeing things, and it sparked an entire office conversation about if the boss was dying.
It turns out that "deadline" had been autocorrected to "dying."
It's also easy to take words and tone out of context in both text and email or in a manner you did not intend them. As one example, consider a request from your manager on a status update for a project.
The same email can be interrupted as concise and to the point or as harsh, abrupt, and thinly veiled criticism that the work isn't complete.
Email is estimated to be only 7% as effective as talking. Much of our communication occurs through non-verbal messaging, such as tone of voice and body language, which does not translate well via email.
As an analogy, how would you approach a design project if you were only presented with 7% of the information necessary? Would you start designing immediately, settling for the information you've got, or would you ask questions and seek more information?
Communication is similar. You're missing out on a mountain of critical information when you automatically default to email, chat, and text.
A better plan is to mindfully choose your communication based on the outcome you want from the conversation. I wrote in detail in THIS blog about emails gone wrong and how to think about which type of communication is best for the desired outcome.
Here’s a summary, in order of richness of the communication platform, including the estimated amount of information you can get from the conversation:
1. Verbal in-person, followed by video conference with cameras on
The information you get using this communication method —> 100% (see footnotes a and b)
These are the best options to get a richness of verbal and nonverbal communication. These methods enhance your emotional intelligence skills (an essential leadership trait!) to ask questions based on nonverbal cues and hear and interpret what is NOT being said.
2. Phone calls
The information you get using this communication method—> 45% (see footnotes a and b)
Phone calls are the next best option because you can hear the tone of voice.
3. Emails
The information you get using this communication method —> 7% (see footnotes a and b)
Emails are best kept short and with a singular goal and call-to-action/request per email. Examples include:
Summarizing or confirming a verbal conversation
Distribution of a document or meeting notes
Answering a straightforward question
Sending out a doodle poll for a meeting
A common error technical professionals make with email are:
Emails with too much information
An unclear request/deadline
Let's say you need input from a coworker to continue your design work on Project 1. You start writing an email and realize they need a lot of information, so you write it all down. Pretty soon, you've got a 10 paragraph email as you've tried to explain all the constraints, which took you a solid hour+ to write.
You send the email, and two days later, you've heard nothing, so you send another email. You switch to work on Project 2 and lose the momentum you had gained on Project 1. Now you're stressed because you wanted to get Project 1 done, and it's now off track.
Your coworker finally responds with questions. Those take several more days to resolve via back-and-forth email.
Your manager wants an update on Project 1. You report that you've been making progress, but your coworker is holding you up. You feel resentful that your coworker is making you look bad. You can tell your manager is unhappy with you and hope this won't affect your upcoming performance review. You also can see that you're going to be working ANOTHER weekend or many late nights because you haven't gotten what you need in a timely fashion, and there's a deadline coming up soon on Project 1.
What if, instead of sending an email FIRST, you had talked directly to your coworker, answered all their questions upfront, and gotten an agreement on when they would be able to send you the information needed? What if only THEN did you send an email to summarize your discussion? What if you cc'd your manager on that email so they were in the loop before potential issues occurred?
How many hours of answering emails, overtime, and extra stress would have been saved? What could you have done with that spare time?
What happens when your manager gives you a glowing review for your proactivity and leadership potential based on your Project 1 performance, instead of telling you that you don't seem ready for the next level, based on the struggles you've had with Project 1?
4. Texts and chat
The information you get using this communication method —> Less than 7% (see footnotes a and b)
Texts and chat should be avoided as a primary communication method, especially where communication documentation is needed. Some STEM industries also view these methods of communication as unprofessional at best.
Because my background is in structural engineering, which is one of the most statistically likely to be sued of all engineering professions, it is also essential to understand texts may not be admissible in court depending on the laws in your state. Reserve text and chat communications for quick check-ins that require no documentation, such as: "I’m in the meeting, will you be here soon?” and nothing more.
Important footnotes on the percentages shared above:
a. The effectiveness percentages are based on the 7-38-55 rule by Albert Mehrabian’s studies in 1967. This rule says that 7% of communication is words, 38% is voice, and 55% is body language. Email and chat didn’t exist at the time. Many experts have concluded that although nonverbal is at least as important as verbal communication, the percentages themselves are an oversimplification for many communication contexts.
In the context of this blog, use the percentages to compare the relative effectiveness of communication methods. The actual percentages are likely an unknown range. In researching this blog, we could not find more research or data available on exact percentages.
b. Some of you will look at this and conclude: “The case has been made for in-person everything.” There are two reasons this conclusion is incorrect.
1) No single type of communication is most effective for all situations, as evidenced by many ineffectual in-person meetings, for example.
2) With the proliferation of open office floorplans and the lack of privacy that accompanies it, employees have moved towards sending emails or chats as primary communication, even if they are physically sitting near the other person in an office. This practice causes “the worst of both worlds” in that it negates the most commonly cited in-person benefit (collaboration) while limiting productivity due to the interruptions common in such a work environment.
The biggest dangers in EMAIL AND TEXT communication occurS in conflict situations.
The urge will be strong, particularly if you prefer to avoid conflict, to send an email instead of having a direct conversation.
Avoid that urge unless you don’t care about the conflict’s outcome. Sending that email instead of having a discussion means that it’s substantially less likely you’ll get the result you want.
Examples of these situations include:
Negotiations (examples: workload, raise, working-from-home)
Topics that will trigger high emotions for you, your discussion partner, or your team (if it’s a group discussion), such as unhappiness with your treatment at work
Giving feedback
Communications between two people with a history of butting heads or personality clashes between them
Topic is potentially triggering or sensitive
Delivering bad news (examples: project is overbudget, you’re not going to meet a deadline, firing someone)
In short: When it’s complicated or conflicting, in-person and video chat should be your go-to communication method.
While there is no one-size-fits-all-situations communication approach, the “hybrid” method: discussion via phone, in-person, or video followed by a summary email, is my suggested primary approach and the one I recommend to clients, as it is most likely to produce the best results consistently.
Bad Habit #2: Settling for unclear expectations
Ask yourself these questions to understand if you are experiencing unclear expectations at work:
Do you feel obligated to respond to an email as soon as you receive it?
Do you know what you need to do to get a promotion or raise?
Are you getting explicit feedback on your work performance?
When someone sends you a request, do you ask, “When do you need this by?” if they are not explicit?
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you are settling for unclear expectations.
Without clear expectations, it’s hard to know what success looks like in your role. When you don’t know what success looks like, it is easy to be busy, exhausted, and stressed out, doing lots of extra work because you don’t know what matters to your company in your role.
Ask for those expectations. If you encounter a reluctance from others to define them, define them yourself and then ask enough questions to refine and get a confirmation from your manager.
Here are a few examples:
#3 Not setting boundaries
One of the specific behaviors successful women in STEM cite as critical to their success is setting boundaries. Examples include a lunchtime walk, turning off their work computer at the end of the day, so they’re not tempted to check email in the evening, or stopping work to have dinner with their families.
Boundaries have been pushed during the pandemic in unprecedented ways. It can feel like there’s an expectation to be available 24/7 at work, while at the same time, workers feel unappreciated, stressed, and disconnected. There’s an irony that we are very connected electronically, yet the actual human connections we need to thrive in our work environments are lacking.
Stress and burnout result from not becoming excellent at setting and holding other people accountable to comply with our boundaries.
Boundaries are your list of what is OK and what is not. In Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection (highly recommended for anyone who is a current or recovering perfectionist!), she shares what happens when we DON’T set boundaries:
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior.”
Blurred boundaries have been a significant contributor towards burnout during the COVID-19 pandemic. Burnout was a known yet rarely discussed issue in engineering before lockdowns. For example, pre-pandemic, a 2018 study found that an average 57% of workers in tech companies are burnout out, with some companies reporting as high as 70%.
Fast forward to the pandemic, where the Girls in Tech study found that burnout has hit crisis levels:
76% of respondents report burnout since COVID-19 lockdowns began in March 2020
Working moms are burning out at higher rates, with 79% with children in the household reporting feeling burnout
Burnout has significant implications for retention rates.
For example, this 2020 survey of structural engineers found that “retention due to stress/burnout” is the second most-cited concern for the industry’s future, following compensation.
Life and work boundaries have blurred, but that’s not the only contributor to burnout. A study by NordVPN found that the average hours working in the United States, as measured by the time employees are logged into company VPNS’s, had increased by 3 hours per day from before lockdowns began to January 2021.
I wrote extensively in THIS 2020 blog about the data on why women in particular struggle with boundary-setting and specific steps and scripts you can use at work to help. Research shows societal bias means we are statistically more likely to be asked to do more – especially the “non-promotable” types of work than our non-female counterparts.
